The tragedies of Littleton and Georgia have forced parents to reevaluate their thinking. Exactly what is a healthy family? Contemporary American culture idealizes the 'supercharged' family. This family, like the Energizer bunny, goes, and goes, and goes.... The recent school tragedies have upset cultural ideas about such a family. This supercharged family has met reality head-on. It is not a stable family; it is not a healthy family.

The first step toward emotionally healthy families is seceding from the mindless materialism and vulgarity of contemporary American society. Once this step is underway, parents can focus on changing their family. Change begins with family members talking to each other, and spending time together.

The second step is realizing that having an emotionally healthy family is a process. This occurs gradually and is something the family members must work to achieve and maintain. Family health, like physical health, can deteriorate. Healthy functioning requires much effort, yet becomes a rewarding way of life.

Following are some characteristics of healthy families. These characteristics are achievable through effort by both parents and children. They are achieved a little at a time, yet are well worth the effort.

Members of healthy families share their feelings with each other in a non-threatening manner. Anger is expressed without attacking the offending party. Criticism is not perceived as a personal attack. Problems are worked through, rather than avoided or turned into opportunities for the family to fragment.

Family members give trust and acceptance. They are accountable to each other and the moral code of their beliefs. Healthy families worship and share spiritual growth together. This is a family held together by bonds of loyalty, love and tradition, rather than force, guilt and fear.

Rules and expectations are clear and consistent. Communication is open and direct, rather than filled with hidden loyalties and secrets. Change is tolerated, and family members are willing to live with the unchangeable. Since they are secure in their identity, people and ideas that are different are not seen as threats.

Growth and achievements are celebrated within healthy families. Such events are not viewed as threatening, but as successes shared among the members. Events such as birthdays and holidays are enjoyed rather than dreaded.

Parents make themselves available to their children. Even in their availability, the parents remain in the parental role and do not attempt to become the child's 'best friend.'

The family often serves as a shock absorber to changes in society. An emotionally healthy family will provide a smoother ride for its members and the community. Striving to become a healthy family is an investment of time and effort whose return exceeds that of the stock exchange. Families, like any endeavor, provide rewards commensurate to the time and effort spent in maintenance.

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(c) 1999 Jeffrey D. Murrah, LPC For more information, you
may email Jeff at jeff@restorethefamily.com, or visit his
website at http://www.restorethefamily.com.
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