You're enjoying the ride to work. Thinking about tasks that you must do today. Thinking about that lunch appointment (date?). Wondering how your elderly mother is feeling today.

And that reverie is shattered!

Aaaooooogah! The horn thunders! (You mean your's goes "beep"? My car must be older than yours!) The car beside you is now in front of you. The cars were so close that if your's had peach fuzz, it would have been shaved!

Instantly, words and gestures are brandished! And, if you are like my father, you start providing a similarly close shave to that car in front of you! You start tailgating!

AVALANCHE! The moment accelerates!

Anger. Road Rage. Fury. Indignation. Outrage. Vexation. Acrimony.

What ever you call it, IT is troublesome!

What Anger Is

Anger is a reaction to an inner emotion and not a planned action. You feel vulnerable, weak; yet, strong and in control. Anger is learned over a life span; and, therefore, can be unlearned!

Anger Management

So, what can you do? How do you manage anger? How can we unlearn it, and what do we replace it with?

Interestingly enough, the techniques cited below were originally penned by Seneca, a Roman
philosopher/educator, who served under several Roman emperors until Nero executed him in 65 AD. All the scholars who have studied anger since, have not come up with anything significantly better.

1. What angered you in the past? Avoid it.

If you know that "X" infuriates you, avoid it. This is like the old joke of a patient saying to the doctor, "Doctor, my arm hurts when I do this," as he wiggles his arm. The doctor's reply, "Than don't do this!"

A few years back, I worked with a woman who, at 50+ years old, had a shrill, whiney voice like a 4 year old. It was all I could do to be civil as she said, "Good Morning." The voice to me was like fingernails being dragged down a blackboard.

I just tried to not have very many conversations with her.

Avoid it.

2. How fast do you normally react? Take a Time Out.

It is very popular to give children Time Out. Well, why not try it yourself?

The old maxim, "Count to 10," really does make sense. Take your time. Slow down. Consider other emotions-- pleasure, shame, fear. Avoid jumping to a reaction. Be proactive, not reactive.

3. Do you normally respond? Don't, or change your
response.

Respond in a calm manner to the aggressor--if respond at all. Make mild, unprovocative comments, comments with empathy. Don't yell. Don't scream. Don't make your car yell (honk horn).

My wonderful wife of over 23 years has taught me a lot. I was raised, whether purposely or not, to yell and scream at my sisters. My wife was raised with the adage, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."

4. Do you ever feel guilty at your reaction? Think about this.

Concentrate on the undesirable consequences of becoming aggressive.

This has worked very nicely for me in the past. Even though our Federal prisons (in the U.S.) are considered as Club Fed, I wouldn't want to live in one.

5. Do you understand the aggressor? Try to.

Try to understand what may be going on with the
aggressor.

There is a story of a man riding the commuter trains in a large city. He had a couple of children who were running around, making noise. Finally, a rider asked the man if he could calm his children down. With a blank look on his
face, the man apologized, then said, "I am having trouble concentrating, my wife, their mother, just died!"

Understand the aggressor.

6. Are you able to be tolerant of the aggressor's
behavior? Put yourself in his place.

Train yourself to be empathic with others--tolerant of human weaknesses. Practice the Golden Rule (not the one that "all with the gold, rules"): Do to others as you would have them do to you. Remember that we all do "bad" things now and again.

Conclusion

Many other management techniques are just "updates" of what ol' Seneca wrote. Some people put them in fancy words; but when you really get down to it, they are no different.

If all else is forgotten, following one of the proverbs from the Bible will help: A soft answer turns away wrath.

Manage your anger, don't let it manage you!


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Copyright 1999, Lawrence Kellie
Editor: Diet and Foods Ezine, 3/week
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