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Dear Jacqui,
By Jacqui
 |  | Question of the Week | Jacqui |
Dear Jacqui:
The problem in my relationship is lack of intimacy. I know we need communication and I am often pouring my heart out to my partner and he never has anything to say and I become very upset and angry. How can I get him to open up to me more because simple discussion does not work. Are their certain techniques or games to help us move forward and improve our communication?
Monique
"The problem in my relationship is lack of intimacy"
Dear Monique:
Lack of intimacy is probably the number one problem women complain about. I can well understand your issues and have listened and appreciate the male side too. What women have to learn about men is that, in general, it is very difficult for them to achieve emotional intimacy or to share their inner self. Ever since they were little boys they have been conditioned to be strong, self sufficient, go out and be competitive, and fight their own battles. They have been told over and over again not to cry, not to show their emotions, So what they've learned is to hide their feelings. These are the behavioral patterns they know and feel comfortable with. Women, on the other hand, have been trained in developing intimate relationships from the time they were little girls. They constantly interact with their Moms, and later with their girl friends. They share all the details of their intimate feelings constantly. "Just talking" about anything and everything that's on their mind or soul is a mechanism that makes them feel good and gives them a sense that the person they are sharing their innermost thoughts with is special in their lives. They feel close to that person and trusting. Later in life, when a woman becomes involved with a man she actually expects the same response she used to get from her intimate friends and family members. The intimacy she seeks is the intimacy she has known. That's usually when the problem starts.
Men and women have to learn to communicate in a language they can both understand even though they come from different places. You should approach your partner with this new understanding. Invite him to participate in a learning experience to bring both of you closer. You might be more successful in reaching him rather than becoming upset and angry. Don't expect radical changes but little by little emotional patters can be adjusted to make a happier more fulfilling relationship.
Jacqui
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