In part one of this article I focused on how adversity in general is a necessary ingredient in our development as human beings and a means by which we grow and mature. In this second part, I'd like to concentrate on how this relates to our relationships — marriage and other long-term commitments.

When everything is going our way, and we're experiencing good times in our lives and marriages, it's easy to be happy and content, but these times are not when strong and lasting relationships are built.

When we as couples experience adversity in either our personal lives or in our relationships, this is when we and our marriages are truly tested, and where we either grow together or grow apart. All too often people turn away from their mates when faced with major issues or problems, rather than working together to resolve whatever issues or problems exist. Trial separations are often seen as a means to work through marital problems. Unfortunately, this distance only tends to compound the problem and often leads to divorce.

By our not having the courage and fortitude to stay the course — to weather the storm, so to speak, we miss the opportunity to grow. When faced with adversity — whether it be a personal issue or a problem within the relationship, we need to pull our loved ones closer, not push them away. Communication is the key to understanding our problems and working through them. By opening up to each other and airing all of our concerns, emotions, fears and anxieties, we not only unburden ourselves, but we allow our mates to better understand the problem at hand, giving them the opportunity to help. This help can be as simple as listening, or as involved as working together to resolve whatever issues or problems exist.

This type of intimacy, trust, and reliance, in the face of adversity, is what builds lasting bonds and molds us together as one. Our marriages and spouses should be the one place we know we can always turn to for support, comfort, and strength. However, this doesn't happen over night — it takes time, work, love and commitment — but isn't that what marriage is all about?

(Part one of this article appeared in last week's Passing Thoughts column.)