This is the first in a series of columns looking at the 'lighter side' of some of the issues involved in being a single adult in the 90's. While this will chronicle some of my experiences and perceptions as a single man in his 40s, we encourage our readership to tell us about some of your issues and experiences on being a single adult. After all, we single folk are all, in some way, experts on the Single Experience.

This is intended to be a forum for one of the largest population of oppressed people - single adults! Oppressed? Well, maybe not. But embarrassed, lonely, and forgotten may be a better description. Certainly we are a large population. Many snippets of data I've collected show that almost one third of the adult population is, at any one time, unattached'. There is a lot of us out there, although many of us wonder where.

Rural New England is a family oriented place, where many of us city dwellers and our significant other escaped to, in pursuit of a quieter, safer, more relaxed lifestyle. Now that many of us that are single again, this is a tough place to live because, well, rural New England is a family oriented place. We won't dwell on the issues and displacement that separation, divorce and death has left us with. Those of us who are 'there' or have been 'there', have experienced many of the losses, and know that there is much more crap here' than we had bargained for.

How many of you were single in the 60's? How many of you are now single in the 90's? Is this a weird Deja-Vu or what? Of the many issues of the single experience, it's often the little things that get to me. Once in a while I drag myself out for dinner (alone) to a local eatery. As I walk in, the hostess smiles and happily asks, "Table for two?". "No." I respond, "For one". "For ONE?" she responds in disbelief. At this point, I turn around to see who's behind me, the happy group that has accompanied me here much to my unawares. "No, just one tonight." I say, to assure her that next time I come in, I won't be a social pariah, and will come with lots of loved ones in tow.

Every now and again, I have even braved the night alone to take in a movie. I mean, I see lots of movies with my beautiful little daughter, but every once in a while, I just have a craving to see something that ISN'T rated "G". So I drive to the theater (alone) and watch the tens of thousands of happy couples pouring in: the young couples holding hands, still blissfully ignorant of the odds-on-favorite fate that awaits them; the middle aged couples out for a quick escape from the kids (hey, I remember that); the older couples, God bless them, the golden minority who have weathered the storm, and have actually beaten the odds. So I sulk into the ticket line, hoping no one will notice me. But then it always happens. A 100,000 watt beacon of light from the heavens above shoots down and illuminates me like Wayne Newton on a Las Vegas stage. And as my hiding spot is bathed in light, I hear that voice. "LEPER, MISCREANT, UNLOVED" - don't you know that OUT' is only for the holy couple? "Skulk back to your cave." it says, "And don't come out again until you are worthy of having company."

Then there's my absolute favorite. That's when my mother calls to remind me that, no matter how old I am (or how much hair I lose), that she is still my mother. Today she's angry with me. I need to be taken down a notch, to be reminded of my failures, as it is a mother's job to do. "I think it's time for you to get a real job, in a real profession, and live up to our expectations and your potential" she says.

And now, for the Coup-de-Gras she adds, "and your EX agrees with me too!!".

Any of this stuff ever happen to you?? Let me know. Anyway, I've got to go skulk back to my cave now.