Dating is often hard, unrewarding work. It's costly, it's time consuming and it's emotionally draining. There are many scary aspects of dating, one of which is a terrifying experience we can all relate to. It is one that many of us have had, and maybe even been on both sides of. And just what is that frightening experience? It's hooking up with a loser'.

Now, to discuss this rationally, we have to define what a loser is, which of course, is a relative thing. How many of you have relatives that are losers? Only kidding. Anyway, on a scale of 1 to 100, a loser could be anyone with a lower loser rating' than our own. Therefore, if you are an 87, you are a winner, and anyone who is an 86 or lower could be a loser. If you are a 17, you are a winner, and anyone 16 or lower could be a loser. If you are a 53.... Well, you get the idea.

There are really no winners or losers, only people who are more or less appropriate for us.

Another scary thing we have to look forward to is hooking up with someone ugly. Who's ugly? Well, this is a relative thing. How many of you have relatives that are ugly? Anyway, on a scale of 1 to 100, an ugly person could be anyone with a lower ugly rating' than ours. Therefore, if you are an 87, you are beautiful and anyone who is an 86 or lower, could be ugly. If you are a 17, you are beautiful, and anyone 16 or lower.... well, you get the idea.

I've met ugly people before, but it wasn't anything I could see when I first met them.

Anyway, I had an experience which would take anyone down about 70 points on the loser/ugly scale. I met a woman through a personal ad when I was in Florida. We spoke on the phone initially for over an hour. I had the charm turned up full blast, and she was loving it. At least, enough so that she said I could call her again'.

So a week later I called, and once again, we spoke for over an hour. This time I hit her from the intelligence angle. "Have you read this book on ...", and "did you know that 63 out off 88 people said...", and so forth. This shows the ladies that I can string two cohesive thoughts together. And it's going real good. Just how good? Well, she said I could call her again'.

Call #3, I hit her with the touchy/feely stuff. "You should see my daughter, I really love her" and "people lack commitment these days" and the closer, "why is simple human contact so hard to find?".

Boy, now she's eating out of the palm of my hand. So I move in for the kill. "Well, Michelle, we seem be connecting on many levels here. I think it's time we get together. How about dinner sometime?" I ask. Her answer: "Welllllllll...." (Long pause). OK, I got it. I quickly re-phrase "how about lunch sometime?". "Welllllll...." I hear her say (long pause ). This hurts. "Well I'd really like to meet you", says I, "what would you suggest?".

And here's where the ugly scale for me drops about 70 points. Says she.... "HOW ABOUT WE MEET FOR 5 MINUTES FOR COFFEE". Wow, over three hours of charm, intelligence and touchy/feely, and all I get is 5 minutes of coffee.

I guess the reality here is that she didn't want to be trapped with me for the unbelievably lengthy period of a full meal, before determining my loser/ugly quotient. And maybe this is reasonable, if not altogether demeaning. So, as a service to my readers to help save all of you this kind of embarrassment and humiliation on both sides, I have come up with the solution to this murky problem.

It's called the DRIVE-BY date, and here's how it goes.

1) Both people agree on a pre-arranged time and date.

2) Both people involved agree on a major roadway intersection, convenient to both.

3) At the pre-arranged time, the doubter (in this case Michelle) DRIVES-BY the pre-arranged intersection.

4) At the same time, at the same intersection, the one with the rapidly plummeting ugly quotient (me in this case), stands on the corner with a sign saying "Will work for Love", to identify him/herself.

5) Without the ugly (me) knowing which car the doubter (Michelle) is driving, the doubter DRIVES-BY, takes a look, makes an assessment, and un-identified and anonymous, drives into the sunset.

6) The ugly (me) goes home and has a strong urge to call his/her mother.

Any of this stuff ever happen to you? Let me know. Anyway, I've got to go. Mom's expecting a call.