Well guess what? It's the holiday season again. And how do I know? Because it's a week before Thanksgiving and the Malls are overflowing with the red and green of Christmas. The red eyes of the Christmas shopping pilgrimage, the green of credit card payments that follow for months to come. Tis the season to try and balance the checkbook.

Do I sound a little bah humbugish? Well, isn't Christmas supposed to be the celebration of the birth of a most renown man? Christ was a giving man; a spiritual man; a kind man; a poor carpenter. The son of God. Christmas should be a day of giving from the heart, not the wallet. However, while the commercialism of the holiday season has always upset me, there is really a different reason why now I'm all Scrooged up.

For me, the holidays start and end with one question. Is this 'my year' to have my daughter Jessica? It's awful hard to be jolly if she's not with me. I think many single parents, especially those not in relationships, feel this way. The logistics of Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years for children of divorce are brutal. Who had her last New Years? Who get's Christmas eve? Who gets Christmas day? When? Noon, two o'clock, four thirty? Grandma's coming up this year. Can I have her two hours earlier? A half hour. Ten minutes?'.

I will gladly trade you Jessica today for a hamburger on Tuesday. Ho ho ho.

Now to be perfectly honest, for me it's a little different. I'm Jewish, although I still love the spirit of the holidays. After all, Christ was a Jew. And we Jews like to party as much as the next guy, maybe more. That's why we celebrate for eight days, not just one. Eight days of Channukah is a little easier to divide in half than one day of Christmas. So I get three or four days (depending on schedule and a myriad of other factors). But I still buy eight presents. Did you know Jewish kids get a present on each day of our holiday?. What a scam.

That's why Jews are so concerned about money. Channukah can be very expensive. Like any long fest, the first and last nights are the most important. The last night is when the kids get the good presents. Day two and three they get socks and underwear, growing to a more expensive crescendo as the eighth day approaches. Can I have Jessica on the last day of Channukah? But I bought her a bicycle. What.... you bought her a computer?!#!@!* But you had her the last day last year. But Grandmas coming this year. BUT GRANDMA MIGHT NOT BE ALIVE NEXT YEAR!!

In a season of love and cheer, it's hard to be loving and cheerful when deciding which half of your child you're entitled to. And it's not like you see this stuff on TV. Oh no no no. Christmas on TV is full of happy, family holidays that start with......oh no...... we might not have Christmas this year....wait...wait....YES YES YES. It's here! And the family is happy happy happy! The end. Not so for the single parent. The holidays are yet another reminder that our family is not intact, our house is not whole. During the holidays, when I was married and friends called, they used to say happy holidays'. Now they say do you have Jessica this year?'.

It is projected that by the year 2000, 50% of households will be headed by a single parent (ho ho ho). This presents some serious logistical problems. If this is the case, I think we need to alter holidays. We need to merge Thanksgiving and Christmas into one two day holiday, separated by two weeks, with no school between the two. That way both Mom and Dad can get a fair shake, and each get a full day of ThanksChristmas. No discussions. Married couples still get two days of holiday, but on Moms day, he has to cook. The shopping season shrinks a little, you can buy the ham and the turkey at the same time, Grandma doesn't have to choose which holiday to travel and football season is unaffected.

And I think grander changes are in order. Maybe it should be a little harder to get married. Maybe some classes are in order. Once married, you should need to have continuing education, rewarded with tax rebates for those that participate. Maybe divorces should be harder to get, except in obvious cases of abuse or neglect. Maybe our expectations of a relationship should be more realistic. How about rewards for long term marriages (more tax rebates). Maybe we should try harder to stay together for the kids, cause I can't think of a better reason. Maybe adultery should either be less acceptable, or legalized and monitored. Maybe good marital sex should be rewarded (with tax rebates).

Any of this stuff ever happen to you? I've got to go now. Grandma's waiting at the airport.