I have decided to help you usher in the New Year with some important tips about dating. As the self appointed 'Doctor of Luv', I may not have a degree, but boy, do I have a bigger phone bill than your therapist.

In reading some of the tips' in the adjacent Rantings from the Cave', I offer some lighthearted DON'Ts along the same lines as the genius who gave those other' tips. I also offer some real stuff. Zen DO's. Heavy.

The lighter Side of Dating DON'Ts.

DON'T go to dinner naked. Wear clothing to that date. As much as you may be tempted to go in the buff, this can be very distracting for the opposite party. In the event of hot food dropped in our lap, we don't want to accidentally burn anything either.

DON'T talk about sex. Odds are that it's been a while for both of you. Of course we think about it. That's part of the romance of dating. But don't talk about it. If you must, you can both go home, log on to the Net as Cleopatra' and Sir Anthony' and cyber-sex-chat your heads offs.

DON'T talk about the Ex. It always amazes me how she agrees with me about that bitch' I married, and I agree with her about that asshole' she married. But remember, if this date works out and you two get together, odds are that she will be the next bitch' and you will be the next asshole'.

DON'T talk about Clinton. We are so stunned by what he did! In a survey I read recently, 80% of married men and 60% of married women admitted to having at least one indiscretion. Hey, the odds don't make any of us look too good.

DON'T talk about what you won't do next time'. Unfortunately, and much as we grow and learn, history tells us we often repeat mistakes. We are only human, after all. Talking about what you won't do' next time may be tipping your hand.

DON'T talk about your last date. I had a (single) date with a lady who laughed about her last date with a 'bald dork'... telling me this when I happen to be bald. Was there a message there? I admit to being a little stunned. Am I a dork too?

DON'T talk about politics. As much as I sometimes feel bad about being single, I am a dynamic, functional, intelligent, over-achiever, compared to the idiots we have in Washington proselytizing and making public policy.

Zen Dating DO's

DO have very modest expectations. While it is hard not to fantasize about something lucky happening, odds are that it won't. Expectations are the bane of existence'. High expectations will almost guarantee you a less than satisfactory time. NO expectations will allow you to be open, be here now' and simply enjoy the moment.

DO see this person as a friend, not a partner. Yes, we are hoping for/looking for a partner. But again, odds are this isn't the one. When we look for a partner and don't see one, we get disappointed. Another blown' date. You will burn out on dating, and maybe let an opportunity slip by. So make a friend. The partner thing will happen when it happens. You don't need to always look for it.

DO get what you can from every date. Remember our Mantra. "Odds are this ISN'T the one". But so what. Everyone is unique and has something to offer if you look hard enough. You can learn something from every date, whether directly from them or by simply examining your own processes.

Do make the other person feel good. In many dates, I have been sized up and rejected in the first 10 seconds. This is a natural process and happens. In some cases, she needed to let me know' she wasn't interested and left me feeling inadequate. In other cases I knew' she wasn't interested, but still had a nice time and felt good about the experience. You can be disinterested without rejecting them. Be aware of how you make them feel.

Do understand that Looking for Mr./Ms. Right is a long, arduous, frustrating, disappointing, comical, tragic, enlightening process. We are living a Shakespearean play, and don't know the ending. It is a journey, and self-esteem is our vehicle. So nurture yours, nurture theirs, expect nothing, make friends, get what you can, stay in touch with your feelings and their feelings, learn to simply value the experience, and smell the roses along the way.

Any of this stuff ever happen to you? It's time to go. It's my time to meditate.