In running a dating Network, and speaking to fifty or so single people a week, I get a feel for certain trends in vernacular with men and women. I have heard about the dreaded 'N' word (NEED) and the equally ominous 'C' word (CO-DEPENDENT), and in the world of alphabet soup, we now have the never spoken aloud 'D' word. DENIAL. Denial is an interesting concept. It's a little like oxygen. It's never spoken about or openly acknowledged, but like oxygen, it invisibly surrounds us at all times.

In the world of Martian male and Venusian female dialogs, each has certain topics that are hot and that are not. For instance: take the topic of breasts. We Martians are very cognizant of breasts. Even though we are surrounded by them everyday (much like oxygen), we can't get enough of them. We like to talk about them and especially like to see them. And no matter how many we see, they 1000th pair is as equally engaging as the first. The Joy of Breasts is one of the Bibles of Martians. But not on Venus. How often have you heard a Venusian utter the phase "Holy smoke, check out that rack".

Equally gender specific is the arena of denial. I find Martians speak plainly about what they want. Martians have no problem saying , "I want a beer", "I want to watch TV", "I want a woman" and "Holy smoke, check out that rack". However, Venusians have trouble tackling many topics head on. And coincidentally, the topic many Venusians have the most trouble with, is relationships with Martians.

I run a Network for Single Adults. While dating is the primary thrust here, we do attempt to promote and encourage social events that have no dating component. However, when men call me, we both know why they are calling. "So Joe, you interested in meeting women?" says I. "Absolutely!! You have quality women there? Geez, I would really like to meet a nice woman. I want to settle down. I've been alone enough" says Joe. Simple. Easy. To the point. When women call my dating network.... not so simple, not so easy.

"So Susan, you interested in meeting men?" says I. Well...not really. What about those activity groups you have? I mean, maybe a man for a casual dinner date, a movie...something like that. But nothing serious, just casual dating." says Susan.

Casual dating? That's a little like casual dental surgery. I don't understand this. "Well Susan, if you have a casual dinner date and have a nice time, would you see him again? Yes? And if he's a really nice guy and you like each other, will you continue to see him again? Yes? And if it continues to go well, and you feel good about him, and are attracted to him, might you explore the possibility of a relationship? Yes? Well, then I guess you ARE interested in meeting a man" says I. "No, not really" she says. "What about those interest and activity groups you have". I'm confused, but hey, that's not news. Tennis anyone?

Times certainly have changed. Thousands of years ago, back in 1960's, men said "I want a women" and women said "I want a man". It was understood. Like oxygen. In 1998, men say "I want a woman" and woman say "been there, done that". Men say" I've got a good job, nice house, great kids....but I want to share these with a good woman". Independent women say "I've got a good job, nice house, great kids...why would I want a man?".

Men say "I miss having a woman around." Women say "I've got a good job, nice house, great kids... why would I want a man?" Men say "I've got a full life, lots of friends... but it's not really enough without a woman". Women say "I've got a full life, lots of friends...why would I need a man?" . Men say "I'm tired of being alone. You got some nice women there?". Women say "Hey.... you got any interest and activity clubs?". Tennis anyone?

I don't understand. As an obviously ignorant and needy Martian, I feel that love and intimacy are the most desirable aspects of life on Earth. I've got a nice house, good but low paying job, friends, a fantastic daughter, a full life. But it could be a lot fuller. I know that. I admit that. Label me how you wish. I want a good women. Hey, let's say you had a choice. Heaven alone or Hell with someone you love. Where you gonna go. Tennis anyone.

Got to go now. My inter-planetary phone line is ringing. I'm hoping it's a good woman.