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Dear Jacqui,
By Jacqui
 |  | Question of the Week | Jacqui |
Dear Jacqui,
We celebrated our first anniversary last week. Before we married we lived together two years because, having both been divorced, we wanted to really get to know each other well before jumping in. One of the things that made our relationship so exciting was our incredible sexual attraction and enjoyment. We are both highly sexual animals.
But….I don’t know what’s happened. In the last few months I’ve simply lost it.
I have trouble getting aroused and often I am bone dry which is obvious to my husband. I’d give anything to feel like I did before. Instead, I have become anxious about not being able to respond properly. Even while we’re making love I feel like I’m not really participating. Please help.
Julia
"Even while we’re making love, I feel like I’m not really participating"
Dear Julia:
For most couples, sexuality, when it’s new, is the most exciting time of intimacy. Hardly anyone can maintain this rush of excitement. As this sexual euphoria begins to fade a little, a new feeling may begin to grow. Both partners may discover greater sexual intimacy, being more comfortable and freer with each and knowing how to better please each other.
If you still love your man, then maybe there is something wrong with your expectation. Maybe you could lessen the pressure if you could accept that nothing is static in a relationship, including sexuality. Instead of worrying about what has gone wrong, concentrate on what’s wonderful between you. Stay present during lovemaking. Feel his touch, his kisses, and the sexual gifts he offers you. Relax into it. Breathe deeply, feel the sensations of lovemaking, in your mind, on your skin, in your vaginal area. Feel what’s happening moment by moment and become an active participant again rather than a passive observer. Embrace enjoyment and pleasure rather than measuring it against sexual memories of the past.
Jacqui
© Brandwynne Corporation 2000, LR(C10).
Very Private offers advice & products to help solve the physical or emotional problems people have that affect their relationships. Our objective is to help them achieve a happier, closer, and more fulfilling intimate relationship. For more information visit: www.veryprivate.com
Email your own very private question to info@veryprivate.com or fax: (310) 472-1479. We never reveal or give out names or addresses. All correspondence is kept strictly confidential.
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