New Year's Eve, as you know, is the traditional time to make New Year's resolutions. Most resolutions are about something we really, really want. Even if you are not the kind to make New Year's resolutions, notice that somewhere, quietly, in your mind, you are probably making some anyway.

The problem with resolutions, though, is that most people never keep theirs. And, you know, it's no surprise. Most of us resolve for big things--lose weight, get into a relationship, improve a relationship, get a better job, improve business, get healthy, save money, etc. These are not easy things, and not accomplished simply because we resolve to accomplish them. Not that big things cannot be accomplished. It's just that it takes something0--and often lots of something--to move us in the direction of our resolutions.

This New Year's Eve, try something different. I am not guaranteeing this will work for everyone, but it may be an interesting and useful experiment. It has to be easier than resolving to do some huge thing you will probably give up a few days or weeks after the start of the year.

Instead of resolving to achieve/become/get something, resolve to add a positive state of being to your life. For example, resolve to add the state of joy for the year 2001. Or, resolve to add the state of laughter for 2001. Or, resolve to add the state of pleasure, or creativity, or aliveness, or surrender, or compassion, or love.

This way your focus will not be on striving for a goal. It will be on asking yourself what needs to be adjusted, shifted in order to create the state you've resolved to add. You may find this much easier than other resolutions you have made. It is easier to answer the question, *What will help me feel happy or creative right now?* instead of answering the question of, *What will help me loose weight right now?* The first question definitely has an answer with fairly easy, immediate actions, where the second one definitely does not.

How will this get you to what you really want to achieve/become/get in the New Year? When you dwell in joy, laughter, pleasure, creativity, aliveness, surrender, compassion and love--even some of the time--much more is possible in your life than would be possible otherwise.

Happy New Year! May you make 2001 a wonderful year.

Your Relationship Coach,
Rinatta Paries